Many of the youngest of children seem wise to this before society taught them the notion that things ought to be “fair”. There is never any self pity that arises from absolute innocence. Where we got a notion that things must be “fair” comes from adult social constructs. We imagine perfection to exist, when the universe has no obligation to make anyone’s life perfect. I recall a puritan saying that a pigeon will freeze to death while starving and fall to its death whilst never once feeling sorry for itself.
Perhaps embrace the idea that life is not supposed to be “fair.” Suppose you are at your job and you feel you have been there longer and did better work than a co-worker who has been promoted. Your first instinct is to mutter “This is not fair.” And then the inevitable self pity results. And as the Puritans said, it is a sin to feel sorry for oneself. Without invoking religion into it, understand and appreciate that feeling pity for yourself and others only brings down everyone’s emotions.
When you were conceived in your mother’s womb, millions and millions of sperm cells swam enormous distances for days (relatively) to find the egg that your mother’s ovaries released. But only one sperm cell succeeded. That means, on the equal playing field, only one sperm succeeded, and all others “failed”. Did all the other failed sperm cells cry out, It is not fair?”. Of course not. It is part of the nature of things. Nature simply accepts things as they are, it is only in the human domain that we argue that things are not “fair” as we hoped.
Say you are in a courtroom for a traffic ticket for rolling a stop sign. The person in front of you also got the exact same ticket. But she reminded the judge of his daughter, and while her ticket was dismissed, you got slapped with a fine. Is it worth it to despair and complain? Just brush it aside as the nature of things. Sometimes things will go your way, and other times it won’t. Don’t let society program you into thinking that everything should be fair. If you accept the fact that life was never meant to be designed to be “fair”, then you will go through your day in a much better mood. Life just “is”. It is only in your own mind that you are creating thoughts that you are believing falsely in: That life should be a certain way and things must always be the result that you hoped for.
It is your own selfishness that society has instilled upon you that you must “get yours first” that gets in the way of your happiness. Suppose you are at a wedding reception and there is a buffet. There are twenty tables, and the first table goes to the buffet line. By the time your table is asked to go to the buffet table, your favorite dish of shrimp cocktail is all eaten. You have a choice again. You could instill self created suffering onto yourself and say, “This is not fair” or you could embrace the truth of what “is”, and say to yourself, “Well, this time around, my table was asked to go last, and some table had to be asked to go to the buffet table first. Maybe next time, my table will be called first, and those what were called first this time around may be last. It was not my time this time, but maybe another time my table will be the first to get called and another person at the end of the line may not get their dish of choice.” That is the correct way of thinking.
The universe does not have to abide by your selfish egocentric notions. You are just only tiny soul in a universe of infinite beings. Just embrace the universe as it unfolds, and the peaceful surrender and acceptance of how things just “are” instead of fighting against it will make your days and years mellow and drama free.