Every time you see yourself as separate from others and maybe superior to others, it speaks of pretentiousness, or pride. When you are sitting looking at the sunset, when you are at complete peace, you feel an incredible peace descend upon you. You realize that you are one with everything.
But when you are thinking about how someone hurt you, someone insulted you, or how or if you are going to get that promotion next month at work, you become unsettled, and nervous. You lose your peace. If you are so unhappy, what do you do? You go to your room, close the doors, and wish to be alone. Maybe you will smoke a cigarette or drink a beer at your local pub. You hang your head in shame and your brain constantly replays the negative thoughts. “What a jerk my boss is.” “What an imbecile my boyfriend is.” “I cannot believe he said that to me!” This is how your mind works when it is at unease.
But what if you are happy? You mind is NOT spinning around in a circle. In fact, you will realize that your thought “volume” diminishes remarkably when you are happy. You are “in the moment”. Maybe you are watching the sunset. Maybe you are dancing to your favorite beat. Maybe you are making love. Maybe you are immersed in a sport. When you are happy, your ego disappears and your mind becomes quiet. You lose track of time. Your “inner monologue” shuts down!
When you are happy, you want to sing and dance and have fellowship with everyone around you right? You wish to talk to others, to share with them all your happiness and joy. When you are unhappy, you are like a flower seed, alone and unnoticed. If you are so seriously unhappy, then what do you say? You tell everyone to ignore you and not talk to you. You want to huddle under your blankets. If you are really really really unhappy, then you start to think about suicide. What is suicide except a state where you don’t want to come back to see others. You want your aloneness to be permanent.
When you are happy, you bloom into a beautiful flower, and you want to share your happiness and joy with everyone. You want to throw a party, to sing and to dance and like a flower show and share your own inner beauty with those around you. But does an unhappy person want to throw a party? Of course not. Even those he welcomed with wide open doors he will now close when he is unhappy. This is why this book is so concerned with achieving and maintaining happiness at all times.
On an aiside, the reason we hold so tightly to our miseries is that your misery gently nurses your ego. As I wrote, the author Eckhart Tolle calls this the “pain body”. Your ego…your shadow is nurtured when you wallow in misery, for strange reasons this masochistic behavior continues itself.
And most of the miserable knew only their separateness, their ego anyways. Your misery gives you a very intact despressing life story that you can share. It is very strange. When you are really really depressed, the world actually pays a lot of attention to you, thus feeding your bruised ego or “pain body”. People around you say, what a pitiful person you are. What a sorrowful person you are. How you ought to be pitied. They will embrace you, give you hugs, and heed your attention.
When you are whistling and happy, the world pretty much ignores you. But when you are really miserable, the entire world is nice to you. And you have so much in common with everyone else. Everyone is waiting for their turn to tell others their terrible horrible life story. They are dying to get their share of attention. And so much attention is given to people in misery.