Just as I noted in my previous example, I realized I am not my bank account. I am not a “rich” and shrewd “stock market operator”. I am much more. I was denying to myself who I really was, a soul full of love and compassion. I am a witness to all the miracles of life and nature around me, and I am more than the digits on a balance sheet. By denying myself the truth of who I really was, I invited the grief that was due to me.
Know that when you deny yourself, you will only create further problems down the road for you. A favorite Biblical quote of mine is Galatians 6: “Do not be deceived, God will not be mocked, a person always reaps what they sow. If you push down your inner being, your genuine self, you are planting seeds that will sprout a poisonous plant. Things that you think have a certain energy. And energy is always conserved. A common law of physics is that in a closed system, Energy is always conserved as measured in Joules. And my thoughts drowned in greed and lust for money.
Even popular authors like the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud wrote that if you repress or deny something, those pushed down emotions will come out in another form. He said it often leads to neurosis, which basically means that your body and actions will show symptoms that are not normal and cause a disturbance. If you repress your authentic self, then you will basically screw yourself down the line. You’ll get sick, get depressed, get fat, become impotent, get bald, start acting like a psychopath. Both physical and non-physical aspects to your “self” take a pounding. On the other hand noble and good actions/thoughts echo across the universe and expand, and so do negative actions/thoughts. Being inauthentic is one of the worst sins you can do to yourself. And the longer you remain inauthentic, the further into Hell you will push yourself.
It was dark in the theater when suddenly a woman yelled, “Is there a doctor in the house?”
A young man rushed over, “I’m a doctor.”
The woman replied, “Great. Would you like to meet my daughter?”
When you deny your own being, you will become unhappy and neurotic, and those negative emotions must come out somewhere. They won’t stay inside you. It may be becoming angry at some random innocent person that you talk to on the telephone or your best friend or even worse your boss at work. Or someone dear to you like your father and mother and your children. And when you spread your unhappiness out, that action will also echo across the universe. And then the same universe will bound that unhappiness right back to you. It will affect someone else in a very negative way. And you can be sure it will affect you likewise in a very negative way. Just as a smile you give someone may echo through space and time may result in a reconciliation of a marriage, or any other “pay it forward” good deed, a frown or angry look you give someone may have been their snapping point, and may result in their doing something negative to someone else, just as you did to them. All actions are connected and intertwined, nothing happens in isolation. If you do something or say something unkind, the recipient of that action will either hurt himself or someone else…just as you did. It could, as it seems a daily occurrence in someone shooting up a school or killing someone in their family or causing other serious mischief. If this happens to you (dark thoughts), then stop those thoughts cold and shift your focus, lest you plant such poisonous seeds that end up resulting in your own destruction, and those of others