Chapter 22 Spread Your Joy

As I wrote before, God is everywhere (I believe literally but you can also speak figuratively as well—love and kindness), but God really notices when you spread your joy to others.  It is as if He is sleeping, and whenever your loving eyes meet another’s glance and both of you smile, then He awakens and smiles.  All around us, the dancing of goodness is there, you just have to tune in your frequency to hear it and be a part of it.  There is a game going on, just let yourself participate in it.  It is not called baseball or football.  Maybe “goodball”.  But everyone can play, and everyone should play. 


The often dark side of Society, and all its false teachers, have created in it situations where you cannot simply be at ease, enjoying life.  Society is simply mad with hate because Society is embracing competition and comparison.  You can never be at ease if you are in a race.  I would aver that race makes haste, which makes waste. 


In Society’s world of competition and comparison, there is such a loud noise of chattering in your mind, one where the questions, “What will others think?”  “What about my place in line?” “How can I be the first?”  “What can I gain from this interaction?” and questions like this occupy your thoughts, which translates into a lot of wasted time.  Not only is it a waste of time, it will result in a lot of wasted energy (because all that thinking uses up a LOT of ATP molecules and energy in your brain).   It is all so weary, when you play Society’s game.  You need to unlearn and detoxify yourself from the negativity that Society has planted into your mind, and your very soul.


Have you ever been to a Walmart parking lot on a busy Saturday afternoon?  They are all in a competitive mode.  Or have you been in traffic on a busy Monday morning in Chicago?  They are all miserable, suffering, bitter, anxious, rage because of all the seeds that Society planted in them as children.  They cannot bear to let anyone in, and if someone cuts in, they feel like someone has been taken from them.  They have to honk, to tailgate and spread their hate.  But all they end up doing is swallowing more of their own poison.  Remember, whenever you seek revenge you are drinking poision and hoping the other person falls over. 


Develop mindfulness, not mindlessness.  All your knowledge, what has it given you except for suffering and misery (the majority of the time)?  The story in the Bible about Adam eating of the Tree of Knowledge and then becoming and knowing misery is a beautiful story and analogy.  All your knowledge keeps you from living in the moment.  At first, if you put aside all that you have learned, you will be scared, and frightened because it is all new.  Not thinking in terms of “What’s in it for me?” will be a new way of living.  Instead, thinking, “How can I serve?” “How can I awaken?” will fill your mind and lead you on a path to happiness and joy because you are not looking at the next person as an opponent?    At first, you will have lost your map, your compass.  You will think to yourself how before it was all about me, me, me, and my story.  But as you shift your mind gears and look at the outside word, you will regain your footing, but on a much more solid and pleasing base.


As you built up your new compass, you will be able to slowly rebuild your life, and with that newfound courage you can drop the Society given social conscience and live a fuller life.  It is not about having no idea between right and wrong.  No.  It is about not constantly spinning your wheels of thinking in terms of “What will others around me think about me? That will change.  This is a very god thing because others’ thinking is something that you cannot control.  A tremendous grace will follow.  A good analogy is missing the train.  How would you feel if you rose up and ran to the car, drove hurriedly to the train station, pushing past hundreds of people, only to miss the train?  That is what happens to modern man, always missing the train. 


About youngkim3000

I grew up in Virginia and went to a top tier high school, being so ambitious and wanting fame and fortune like the next kid. I received good grades and then I went off to the University of Chicago where I majored in Psychology and Economics. After a brief but successful "Wall Street" career, I realized that I was not happy and left thinking that a career in the medical field would satisfy me. Then, I did some post Bac work at Northwestern and UIC, and then ended up at UIC Medical School. The problem was I was not happy there either. The structure, the repetition, and lack of being able to be free and spontaneously creative really knocked me down. Having to be subject to constant subjective evaluations sucked my soul dry. As I sought another chapter in my life, then came the financial collapse of 2008-9 which destroyed the "nest egg" and saving that I had worked so hard to build after college--which I so "identified with". I was so depressed at the loss of career and the loss of money that I fell into self pity and a deep seated depression. For weeks on end, I could not even get out of bed. I went to many doctors who could not really help me. I took so much anti-depressant medication and also self medicated with alcohol to dull my mind. One day though, I went to the public library in Niles, IL, and picked up some books on "Self-Help". I figured what do I have to lose? I was already so depressed I could barely get through a day. I picked up books by Wayne Dyer (Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life), Deepak Chopra, Louis Hay, Ram Dass, Osho, and Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth), The Dalai Lama, and revisited my faith in Catholicism. I devoured so many books to unearth just why I was suffering so much. I learned so much about myself and realized that my deep suffering was actually a gift for me to discover myself. Simply put, those words in those books saved my life. I was taking so many drugs and my physical health was in serious jeopardy. I realized that I could not live with myself any longer, and I needed to be free. I realized...that it was my own thoughts that were making me so depressed, as was my own "life story" that I replayed over and over. I realized that my mind was busy creating negative thoughts. Thoughts are "things" and expand. I understood that you do not "normally" choose your thoughts. Just like the digestion of a meal, the mind automatically creates all kinds of thoughts whether you like it or not. Just like you do not "choose" to breathe with your lungs or "choose" to make urine from your kidneys, you "normally" do not "choose" your own thoughts. They just happen, just like digestion. And if you had a bad experience, your mind recreates the negative thoughts without your conscious consent but you are forced to relive them endless times per day. It is only through CONSCIOUS INTERVENTION that you can make your mind change course from recycling negative thoughts. This is just like your breathing. You breathe automatically, but you CAN choose to influence your breathing, you can hold your breath if you are going to dive deep in the water, or you can consciously "slow down" your breath if you are relaxing in meditation and prayer. Once I realized I did in fact have an ability to control my thoughts, I consciously redirected the thoughts to positive uplifting notions. I noted that I had built such a large ego that the collapse of it dragged me down in catastrophic fashion. A big ego is different from self esteem. Both were destroyed, but I learned to regain self esteem through positive affirmations and knowing that the negative thoughts are not reality. I was choosing definitively to live in the past via my repetitive thoughts. I was also choosing to live in an uncertain future that I painted with dreadful possibilities. I realized that if I live in the "now", the present moment, I really did not have any reason to be depressed at all. I discovered I really only live in the "now". The past and future are fictions. It is akin to a motorboat on the water on a lake. The "wake" that the boat produces is the past, my vision of the future is what I can see in front of me, but I really only exist ON the boat in the present moment. I was living my life only on the "wake" created many meters before. Soon, my self-pity slowly subsided as I learned to accept "what is" and not grasp for anything and everything that is valued by Society. I concurred that it was my own "expectations" not realized that were causing such waves of discontent. Once I dropped my self imposed sad "life story", my yesterdays, I came to my senses that there was no need to feel upset at all. That realization hit me like "a ton of bricks" and quickly lifted me out of the well, like a rope thrown down the dark walls of the deep well. I would like to share that it was only that single moment of enlightenment, a "satori" event that forever changed my life, but that was not so. It was a gradual climb out of the abyss (over about a year). I realized that my mind was like a superhighway of blazing thoughts that went through my mind over and over based on the recent past. While my "life story" was going great, I believed in those thoughts, and my ego grew such that I became arrogant and sometimes unkind. Then when my "life story" changed for the worse, I similarly believed in those new negative thoughts with the same passion (which hurt me so deeply throughout my waking hours). I noted to myself that this was why I craved so many "tranquilizers" and medicines that would halt my thoughts. I realized that I was drowning in my negative thoughts and that I was CHOOSING to believe in them. But I learned through focusing on positive affirmations, meditation and prayer, I did not need any more drugs to "halt" my mind from stabbing me to death. Through the filter of society's measure I had evaluated my own life, unable to fully realize that it was all a fiction that my mind had created. I was completely unable to live in the present before this profound awakening. My life had turned into a constant "replay" of the past, the anxiety of the uncertain future...and my destroyed ego. Because of my belief that my thoughts were the ultimate truth, I suffered so deeply... but needlessly. Once I changed the direction of my thoughts, everything changed. The way I looked at my own life changed. I realized that LIFE is not a long emergency where the one with the most toys at the end wins. I realized LIFE is something to be lived fully, and joyfully...not some series of problems to be solved. Once I realized these insights, I realized that I was the creation of my own depression. Although a devout Catholic, I am also deeply moved by the ideals of Buddhism. About Karma and "Dependent Arising"...both of which are also in the Bible (Galations 6, Do not be deceived, God will not be mocked, a person always reaps what they sow). And I was...for the better part of my life, a runaway train into disaster that I was blind to...that I had planted the seeds onto. Putting money, fame, accolades, trophies, and so forth as the ultimate end to my goals sowed the seeds of psychological calamity when the inevitable tides of change occurs in every life. A person who extols those superficial qualities dooms himself/herself to disaster. The only variable is "time". Would it take a long time to find yourself in a train wreck or a short time? It doesn't matter. What matters is how soon can you realize the truth of existence and your place in it...and rise above what Society tries to focus you to believe. Society always makes you compare yourself to others, Society never leaves you alone to just be yourself. You have to exert effort and unlearn what Society has poisoned you with. I am now doing various "work" (not holding down any soul sucking corporate job), teaching, making money through various income sources like buying items at rummage sales and reselling them through Craigslist, asking neighbors and doing work they need, trading stock options when my financial tools indicate that there is a good trade. I am not focused on any "ladder to climb" or any "prestigious career"...and I am so much happier and at peace. I'd rather be "waterboarded" that go back to Corporate America. I have also a solid equanimity, and i am OK with whatever happens, and thus accept what God and the Universe wish for me. I wish to share my newly found wisdom and hope that my story and my interpretation of my newly found contentment can benefit others and I also wish to hear similar stories of awakening. God Bless, thanks for reading my "profile" and leave me your stories of awakening. Outside somewhere is a field where all of us are the same, I cannot wait to see you there...Namaste...
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