Quick, tell me a list of five things that happened exactly one year ago from today that still bothers you. Likely, you cannot think of any. Sure, there will be many painful events that you do remember, but it is but a fraction of things that actually did happen to you. For example, a year ago from today, you may have been stuck in traffic and a car cut you off going onto a ramp, and then gave you a dirty gesture as he went on his way. To you, you may have been thinking, “How dare he?” and you may have honked and honked and maybe even chased him for a while. You were so incredibly upset. But are you still upset about it today, a year later?
Sometimes, a person cannot solve all of their problems by thinking through them. By hitting the replay button over and over again about a certain event, you usually just end up getting more wound up. This may seem a difficult concept at first. But the mind, the intellect, has its limits on how it can solve problems. Regarding painful memories, keep in mind that time does its work, and you move away from your scarring thoughts. Soon, you are far away at a distance. This is like driving away from a tall mountain. As you drive away, the mountain, relative to your view, gets smaller and smaller…or you grow out of them. It is like changing clothes as you get taller. When the problems are so close to you, they seem so large, like a mountain. But as you move away from them through time and distance, they become smaller and smaller, until it is the size of an anthill. The mountain has not changed, but YOUR position to it has. You are now far away from the problem, so the problem, like the mountain, no longer bothers you. This is in stark contrast to when the mountain is sitting right in front of you. It is so large, that mountain, and therefore you feel the effects of pain.
It is like the mountain is going to fall on top of you, and you think about killing yourself too. But as time passes, the problems simply disappeared and where have they gone? Just like walking away from the mountain, they are so far away, and you have changed so much, they don’t affect you. Trying to abruptly change and move the mountain itself will only make yourself more miserable. Trying to drive away from the mountain faster and faster won’t really help. Try to relax as much as possible and take it moment by moment, one day at a time. A good friend once said to me, “Time heals everything.” There is so much truth to that statement. I guarantee that most of what you felt to be a problem long ago is no longer a problem today. You may probably only care only about one of the hundred things that bothered you on this calendar day, a year ago.
Just do this exercise. Try to remember things from even just one year old that caused you so much grief, like a minor car accident, a terrible argument at work with your co-worker that happened a year ago. You may be challenged to find even one problem from a year that has past which still bothers you. It is like there is something on your radar screen if you are a pilot. As you continue to fly, distance and time guarantee that the objects in your radar will fall off and disappear. Just be patient, you will see. I said earlier that mere positive thinking really doesn’t work, but let me call it enlightenment thinking. Thinking that allows you to rise, rise above your current state of affairs.